As many of you know, I was part of Team Shrinking Jeans that recently participated in the San Diego Rock ‘n Roll half marathon with Team in Training. I spent a good portion of that weekend trying my best to hide from cameras which isn’t easy with that group, let me tell you! 
The reason for trying to hide was because I so badly hate how my body looks these days. When I had lost weight in the past, I got to the point where I was no longer afraid of cameras which was kind of surprising given I actually never made it all the way to my goal weight. At my lowest, I was still probably 40 pounds from my goal, but I felt comfortable in my own skin back then. I can’t really say that any longer. :no:
Over the past couple of weeks while I was sick, I spent some time looking through all of the photos everyone on the team took while we were down in San Diego. There were lots of happy memories that came flooding back into my mind, but the biggest nagging pain to me was seeing photos of myself during times when people took a photo I wasn’t expecting, or when someone wanted a photo of me specifically which meant having nowhere to hide. I absolutely abhor where I’ve let myself get back to weight-wise and how I look now. Here are a couple of examples:
The good news is that I didn’t dwell on how unhappy they made me for very long. I decided to use them for motivation instead. I printed a couple of them out and have them hanging on my refrigerator along with a caption saying, “Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?”
I took this newly-found motivation and decided last Wednesday (July 14) that I just needed a fresh start and a new attitude toward my weight loss journey. I’m so tired of the floundering and overall gaining trend when I’m supposed to be on a weight LOSS journey. So, I wiped the mental slate clean and gave myself a fresh new day one of my weight loss journey.
In the past, I’ve always used my all-time highest weight when showing my weight loss progress. Truth be told, it’s been nine years since I was at that highest weight. I’ve decided it just doesn’t feel genuine or honest to me any longer to use that weight to show my “progress” since I’ve not really had any, at least not in the proper direction. I’ve definitely been on more of an uphill climb which is why it just doesn’t feel honest or genuine to me any more to show a 45-50 pound loss. Yes, I know I have kept that much of the weight off, but I just need to focus on the here and now for a while.
In keeping with this new mindset, I actually did a “reset” at Weight Watchers as well. I hadn’t been to a meeting in a while, so I opted to just start over. I have a brand new weight tracking book, and used my weight last Wednesday as my new starting weight. Yes, I realize these are all just little mind games, but it’s just something I needed to do. I needed to break myself from my perceived past “failures” (and glories) and just move forward from here.
Today was my first meeting since my mindset change last week. I’m thrilled to report that I was down 6.4 pounds. 
I not only got my Week 2 bookmark, but I even got a 5 pound gold star to put on it!
I know a good part of that loss is due to the fact that I was on steroids (fighting the upper respiratory infection) for a week right up until the day before I restarted at WW and I was definitely retaining fluids. Actually though, I don’t really care what it’s from because I’m going with it. 
I’ve also decided to create a separate progress page to track my weekly results rather than just using the little section in the sidebar as I’ve previously done. This will allow me to include additional information and (eventually) progress charts. I’ll still keep the very basic information in the sidebar, but if you want even more numbers geekiness, be sure to check out the progress page. The link will be available in the menu bar across the top of the page.
Here’s to another great week! 
Until next time … onward and downward!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Mel. MEL!!!
This post is AMAZING!! I am so, so proud of you! Sometimes starting over is exactly what you have to do. That’s awesome.
You are amazing.
I love resets!! There’s nothing like wiping the slate clean to feel all shiny and new. Good job doing what you have to do! You sound so excited/motivated that I know you’ll have much success. =)
First I want to give you a hug – right now! I’m proud of you, girl! I did the same reset at the beginning of the year. Congrats on the loss this week! Love you!
Thank you for sharing this. My high was 286. I actually got down to about 226, and then steadily gained about 30 of it back. I “get” what you mean about a fresh start. I have also made zero progress in the right direction in about one and a half years. You are a strong woman, and I’m confident that you can reach any goal that you set, if you want it bad enough. As far as the pictures go, you are always beautiful to me.